Hold the phones. We've got a breaking story here. Shocking, shocking news. Kevin McHale sucks at his job. The Minnesota GM has just phoned in his latest trade, and, yes, it involves him acquiring an ex-Celtic. Antoine Walker is on his way to Minneapolis, for who knows what reason.
Entering this campaign, it seemed the Timberwolves were finally in rebuilding mode; and, added to the swag of young farm-system prospects they copped from Boston for handing over their previously-untouchable Big Ticket, the Minnesota roster was blessed with something good: Theo Ratliff's $11.6mil expiring contract, and Ricky Davis's $6.8mil expiring contract. With that 18-odd million to go play with, the Timberwolves could bring in other quality players by a team looking to dump salary, could help facilitate mega-trades between other teams as a third-party, or could pawn off immediate cap-relief unto ready-to-deal franchises boasting a surplus of draft picks.
McHale accomplished a little of this when he swapped Ricky Davis with the Del Boca Vista Heat's Michael Doleac, himself the owner of $3.1mil expiring deal. For, Rilezzz —the oily, oily snake who has barely been criticised for his fawning, number-retiring treatment of Michael Jordan— threw in some future/financial considerations (draft picks, straight cash homie) to get that deal done. But, oh, wait, there was another part of the deal, Blackheart. The Heaters and the ex-Celtics swapped, uh, a pair of ex-Celtics; or, more aptly, a pair of putrescent pass-never big-guys whose rebounding totals rank somewhere south of suck-ass. Mark Blount for Antoine Walker. A fairly innocuous, highly comic exchange of guys who both honk more than a flock of migrating geese, this bit of the wheeling and/or dealing was also all about the Benoit Benjamins.
Blount has three years, $22mil left on his deal. 'Toine has four years, $39mil on his. So, wait, why did Kevin McHale agree to this? The Timberwolves had all the leverage. They're trying to suck this year, Miami's trying not to. They had the player that Rilezzz had targeted —sudden fantasy stud-in-waiting, Ricky Ricky! Davis— and didn't have to make the trade: Davis's contract was going to come off their cap at the end of the year, just like Doleac's. The Heat were the team in panic mode after an unspeakably awful exhibition slate had wrapt up at a glorious 0-7. Dwyane Wade wasn't walking through that door (yet), PJ Brown wasn't walking through that door (yet), and Tim Hardaway was too busy planning his Brokeback pilgrimage to Kananaskis Country, Alberta to come walking through that door, fans. The Heat had to do something, or else there was the distinct possibility that they could open the regular season with the decaying corpse of Penny Hardaway in the rotation.
Not only was Riley desperate to deal, but he was desperate to rid himself of Walker. Like, really. Check out this conditioning-related tanty Rilezzz recently threw for the benefit of the media, and the belittlement of his former All-Star: "It's beyond irritating. I'm beyond being irritated. I was irritated the first year when I signed him. I was really irritated last year. I'm beyond irritated. I don't have time to be irritated." Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Antoine 'Beyond Irritating!' Walker!
So, given the bad-hand Poo-Rile had handed himself —aching need to improve his roster's talent, yearning to be freed from Employee Number 8%-too-much-body-fat, the sudden realisation that Stan The Porn-Moustached Man has pulled the knives from his back and bounced back ready to kick his in-state ass— it's amazing that the Weasel was able to weasel so much out of someone who should've had no business helping him out. Not only was McHale dealing with a Laker-for-life, but he was dealing with someone down-on-his-luck, a desperate case in desperate straits.
So, given all that, why, in this Blount/Walker bit of the trade, does Kevvy give up a bad contract to take back a really, really, really bad contract? Why does he, essentially, do Rilezzz the favour? Why, oh why, oh why? In the (almost) words of Woody Guthrie: Because, because, because, because (he's Kevin McHale), goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
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