Hey, Coach, Why No Burn?

There are guys around the league that drive fans nuts: stone-fisted, brainless bigs like Kwame Brown or Brendan Haywood; poor-shooting, turnover-prone gunners like Stephon Marbury or Flip Murray; and, most of all, complete and utter spastics like No-Neck Johnson or Primoz Brezec, guys who it’s impossible to believe are still in the league, let alone starting for your beloved ballclub (this working under the perhaps-erroneous assumption that the Hawks and Bobcats actually have actual fans).

Then, there’re other ballers out there who drive folks mental. Crazy in that way that hustling, hard-working, heart-and-soul, always-influence-the-game-whenever-they-step-on-the-court guys cause fans to freak out. When people are patently so talented, so productive, and so influential any time they’re on the court, their absence from the hardwood can make loyal followers of their team go goon-crazy.

In terms of fantasy basketball, these fan-favourites often double as deluxe sleepers; the kind of guys who contribute mightily in limited burn, to the point where if you calculate their per-40-minute numbers you nearly faint at the prospect. Mostly, they’re hustlers; guys who you dream of grabbing four offensive boards, ripping three steals, and blocking four shots in a night’s work. Every night. Be it for your fantasy team, or for your non-fantasy —y’know, real life— club. In every case, the same question need be asked: Hey, Coach, Why No Burn?

RENALDO BALKMAN, Knicks.
Anyone starting a defence of Isiah Thomas need only point to Balkman as Exhibit A. In the ought-six draft, Thomas went out on a limb, denying Knicks’ fans lust for UConn point Marcus Williams, selecting, instead, an anonymous Gamecock hustler who’d shown little talent at scoring the ball in college. In one-and-a-bit seasons, Balkman has shown that being a natural scorer is about the only thing he isn’t. Balkman is an amazing on-ball defender, a sneaky-quick help defender, a disruptive influence in the passing lanes, an aggressive rebounder, a gifted ball-handler, and has an amazing knack for dribbling the ball in transition all the way to the hole and finishing with two hands. In the Knicks’ sole memorable night of the season —the rousing Denver win— Renaldo changed the tenor of the entire game; his defensive effort on Carmelo Anthony just the tip of his all-floor influence. Whilst Balkman’s contributions to the game were mostly intangible, he still delivered promising stats: 11 points, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal, 3 blocks in 27 minutes. For his career, Balkman’s per-40-minute numbers go: 12.2 PPG, 10.1 RPG, 1.5 APG, 1.8 TO, 2.0 SPG, 1.5 BPG, and 50.3 FG%. For role-player comparison’s sake, Jared Jeffries’ career per-40-minute stats: 9.5 PPG, 7.8 RPG, 2.5 APG, 2.1 TO, 1.2 SPG, 0.8 BPG, and 43.6 FG%. Is that even a comparison? So, okay, Renaldo can’t shoot (he’s hit 55% from the line, and for some reason has gone 5/29 from three), but that wouldn’t be what he’s on the floor for. Balkman delivers something the Knicks, outside of David Lee and Nate Robinson, completely lack: energy, enthusiasm, passion, aggression, defense, hustle. Y’know, the kind of things that Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry are renowned for not bringing.

AMIR JOHNSON and JASON MAXIELL, Pistons.
For a guy whose career has totalled, thus far, 185 minutes of court-time, Amir Johnson has received a mighty amount of exposure (see: any Pistons blog) and cash (see: 3 years, $11mil). I guess posting 20 and 12 with 3 steals and 4 blocks in an otherwise-meaningless regular-season finale will do that. Maxiell’s gotten much more ‘real’ playing time, and this season is even averaging 6.3 PPG, 4.6 RPG, and 1.7 BPG, decent numbers for a backup big-man. But, for Pistons fans, those numbers still aren’t enough. Most dream of Johnson and Maxiell splitting time as the fifth starter. If those guys combined to play 48 minutes a night, at the power-forward spot, say, their career output suggests they’d do numbers something like: 18.0 PPG, 11.2 RPG, 1.3 SPG, 3.7 BPG, at 49.7 FG%. As the season progresses, though, it’s looking unlikely they’ll even combine to average 24 minutes a night.

JAMES SINGLETON, Tau Cerámica.
James Singleton’s rookie season —asail ’pon a Clipper ship bound for postseason glory— was a thing of tantalising fantasy beauty. In the 15 games in which the highly-energetic reserve forward played over 20 minutes, his averages, in 28.9 MPG, were most eyepopping averages of: 8.6 PPG, 7.5 RPG, 1.3 APG, 1.0 SPG, 0.8 BPG, 0.9 TO, 61.9 FG%, 75.0 FT%, and even went 7/12 from three-point range. Not only did Singleton meter out as a perfect, across-the-board fantasy player, but it was even more impressive to see him on the court; playing chest-to-man defence, hedging on screens, hustling his heart out, crashing the glass with gay abandon. Clippers fans, in the midst of the greatest season in the Franchise’s abhorrent history, absolutely loved this guy. So, going into 2006/07, the expectation would only be that the sketchy burn Singleton received in his rookie year was going to give way to a defined second-year role. The result: Mike Dum-Dum-leavy, one of the dimmer coaching bulbs in the NBA box, dished out 29 DNP-CDs, and only played him over 20 minutes 5 times! Before we knew it, a guy who once looked to be both fantasy sleeper deluxe and future member of the Hustle Hall Of Fame was on his way to Spain, possibly never to be seen in the League again. But, hey, at least we got to see plenty of Tim Thomas.

CRAIG SMITH, Timberwolves.
When Randy Wittman ‘ascended’ to the head-coaching position in Minnesota, amidst the appalling scapegoatery that befell Dwayne Casey, and the once-above-.500 Timberwolves quit on the season after management quit on the coach, something should’ve been plainly obvious to anyone coming into the situation: Craig Smith, the Neo Big Nasty, needed to play more. End-of-season breakdowns, by 82games, show that Smith and Garnett ranked as Minnesota’s top two-man combo, not to mention them being at the 4/5 in six of ’Sota’s top seven 5-man units. This season, Smith’s 18 MPG are the same as last year’s 18 MPG, but he’s doing the same things as last time around: 10 PPG, 5 RPG, 55.3 FG%, plenty of offensive rebounds, hard-ass screens, and leave-a-mark fouls. But, given that the T-Pups’re supposed to be on the tank, blooding the kids and hoping a few of them turn out okay, why Smith isn’t being fed more time must remain puzzling to the few remaining fans in the Twin Cities. Like: every minute that Antoine Walker or Theo Ratliff’s Expiring Contract gets on the floor at the expense of Smith seems like a minute too many.

TYRUS THO… uh, I mean, JOAKIM NOAH, Bulls.
Ladies and gentlemen… Joakim Noah! 2008 winner of the Tyrus Thomas Memorial Why No Burn? Award! Just as in last season, when Chicagoans ached for Scott Skiles to just put the damn kid in the game already, once more both Bulls fans and curious onlookers’re perplexed as to why their mighty-uptighty coach isn’t giving Noah more run. In Chicago’s only win of the season thus far(!!!), Noah did everything Ben Wallace was once believed to do: influence the game without taking a single shot. Against the Pistons, in his 12 minutes on the court, Joakim went 0/0 from the floor, but grabbed 5 offensive rebounds, dished out 4 assists, and recorded a +6 plus/minus rating. Given he’s played 50 minutes in his three-game career thus far, working out the rookies per-48-minute averages is self evident: he having 13 rebounds (8 offensive), 3 steals, and 4 blocks thus far. Sure, he’s 0/7 on the year from the field, but 6/8 from the line goes nice. Compare this to the decaying corpse the Bulls’re trotting out at centre for like $20mil a season: 3.5 PPG, 4.8 RPG, 0.7 SPG, 1.2 BPG, 32.1 FG%, 27.3 FT%, in 27 MPG. Now, compare suddenly-Small Ben’s thus-far numbers against last year’s turn by PJ Brown’s Expiring Contract: 6.1 PPG, 4.8 RPG, 0.3 SPG, 0.7 BPG, 40.7 FG%, 78.7 FT%, in 20 minutes a night. The Lesson: all those who spent last season baying for Thomas to play ahead of PJ should be even more indignant this season. Oh, no, wait, I mean: The Lesson, for Ben Wallace Fantasy Owners: You should’ve followed the Statsheet Stuffin’ draft rules advice.

Coming On Late.

You would’ve copped long odds, back in the long hot summer, that any of these krazy kidzzz would’ve ended up on active NBA rosters, let alone be big enough contributors that they could clock up enough statistical relevance to be considered worthy of fantasy basketball ownership. Yet, with the preseason hosed and the real games set to start, here are five guys who came on late, and played well enough that they’ve become at least blips on the fantasy radar.

BRANDON BASS, Mavericks.
In his two seasons playing for his (kinda) homestate Hornets, the Bayou Bengal clocked up a mighty 50 appearances, almost all of which were meaningless. Whilst it’s fun to work out that Bass averaged 10.2 points and 10.3 rebounds per 40 minutes in his scant Oklahoma City career, it was hard to see how that would apply when Bass latched onto the Mavericks over summer, seemingly as the roster’s 17th man. But after an impressive preseason —11.8 PPG, 7.5 RPG, 1.0 BPG, 54.4 FG%, in 25.0 MPG— the 6’8 forward looks set to open the season in the Mavs’ rotation. With Erick Dampier out for the foreseeable future, Didier Ilunga-Mbenga hurting/hurting-for-coordination, and Nick Fazekas the least athletic NBA player since Todd MacCulloch, Bass actually shapes as the only possible frontcourt reserve in Avery Johnson’s arsenal. Whilst the 12 MPG backing up the Diggler ain’t much to crow about, keep in mind that DeSagana Diop played only 18 MPG last season, and is so foul prone that it’d be nearly impossible for him to play any more than about 24 a night. Whilst Johnson’ll surely play some smallball with either Josh Howard or Devean George at the four and Dirk at the five, I’m finding it hard to find a scenario where Bass doesn’t average at least the 25 minutes an outing he did in the exhibition.

AARON GRAY, Bulls.
Early in the exhibition season, as the big white Gray showed NBA-level skill to go with his monster frame, rumours began to float that the ramblin’ Panther was already shaping up as a starter in Scott Skiles’ mind, despite having never played an NBA game. With 6’7 Ben Wallace already locked into the first five, favouring Gray over second-year future-stud Tyrus Thomas, the rationale went, would save Chicago from a starting unit whose tallest player was 6’8, and whose average height is a tiny 6’5. Recent ankle-related developments in Chicago may’ve cemented this Gray-the-starter notion in stone. Last week, Ben Wallace, Joakim Noah, and Tyrus Thomas all were hurt in the Bulls’ final preseason barney. Whilst Thomas was called, thereafter ‘day-to-day’ with a foot strain, both Wallace and Noah were outed by Chicago as being out ‘indefinitely’ with sprained ankles. Given this was only three days ago, it might be a safe bet that neither will play when the Bulls open their season Wednesday in the cultural global epicentre that is East Rutherford. And, thus, Gray looks likely to be in the opening lineup. Whilst it’s possible he’ll be little more than the big white space-eater inside, after a preseason in which he posted 9.0 PPG, 5.4 RPG (incl. 1.8 offensive), 53.6 FG% in only 16.7 MPG, Gray should definitely be on the radar of size-seeking fantasy GMs.

JASON SMITH, Sixers.
In the leadup to the draft, piles of professional opinionaters were proffering Jason Smith as their ‘most likely to be a bust’ type choice, going simply by his size (seven feet), his skin colour (as the cold driven snow), and the fact that he suited up for Mountain West powerhouse Colorado State. How many of these “draft experts” had bothered to actually watch Smith play is another matter; for anyone who watched the generically-named big-man blossom from skinny small-forward freshman to dominating five-spot junior surely would’ve been impressed by Smith’s most un-white combination of quickness and skill. Whilst his exhibition stats aren’t exactly stuffed —8.2 PPG, 4.4 RPG, 1.1 BPG, a dreadful 38.6% from the floor, in 26.2 MPG— Smith has never seemed overmatched, and has looked roughly ten trillion times better than project lottery-pick Thaddeus Young, and is playing in a Philly frontcourt aching for real, live, healthy big-man bodies. I can’t imagine he’ll do much of anything in the season’s beginnings, but Smith’s shown some intriguing signs for a guy who no one expected absolutely anything of. At all.

VON WAFER, Nuggets.
With the groin-poppin’ injury to ever-chuckin’ Chucky Atkins, the eye-poppin’ bricklayin’ of Yakhouba Diawara, and the continued miseducation of Earl Smith III, the spot on the floor between the Answer and the Backpedaller is far from settled. The smokie to end all smokies in this scenario is Von Wafer, a 6’5, fleet-footed, unrepentant gunner who, as luck has it, hasn’t been arrested a single time this year. Fresh off of averaging 21 points an outing in the D-League last season, and 24.2 PPG in summer league, Wafer’s shown some serious jacking-it-up abilities in the preseason. Without a hole in Furious George’s rotation, Wafer’s chances to make a splash this season appeared minimal. But with Atkins on the sideline and Smith perhaps headed to the doghouse, Wafer could come on strong.

SHAWNE WILLIAMS, Pacers.
Given that he’s out for the first three games of the season for brainless goondom, you can’t exactly watch Williams on the opening night, then pounce upon him if he gets the right amount of court-time. For, there’s no doubt that the young, ridiculously-talented, rangy wing could produce if, say, poured upon the court for as much time as his fellow sophomore Rudy Gay will hit the floor this year. In his fleeting glimpses last year, Williams showed his tantalising, lottery-level package of skills —namely: athleticism, shooting, and defence— when he was trotted out onto the court. If we’re to go by his summer-league, Williams could actually produce in actual meaningful minutes this season, if Coach Jim O’Brien —and his famously-retooled offence— find him a place. Given Danny Granger’s Indiana’s only locked-in piece at the moment, that may not be so easy; but, in the four exhibition tilts in which he hit the court for more than 20 minutes, Williams went off. In 28 MPG, he hung up 17.0 PPG, 6.5 RPG, 3.0 APG, 1.0 SPG, 0.7 BPG, and 8/23 threes (including a 5/10 versus Chicago). At the moment, Williams looks caught in a numbers crunch; but if O’Brien’s Pacers could actually push the pace and do 110+ type games in the regular season, Williams could be intriguing. And if Granger were to go down, he’d be the prized waiver-wire pounce.